Weekend Boyfriend

apr28It’s been a while since I last hung out with CokeMan. CokeMan and I go way back. We started off as a potential sex date but knowing he was aiming for more than a sex buddy, I avoided leading him on by saying I got someone from Indonesia, who I was interested in, which was kinda true since I pretty much compared any dates back then to JavaBread. After that, CokeMan reunited with his ex and since then, I have discovered this other side of CokeMan which led me to believe that he is indeed a really good friend to have. I do also appreciate how despite being my client at work, CokeMan has been very good and professional when it comes to drawing a line between friendship and workmates. With that, CokeMan has become somewhat a really close friend of mine.

We met up today to try out this new Japanese restaurant on Saya San street since CokeMan loves to try new restaurants in Myanmar. We decided to go to Swensen’s later for some sugar treat and this was where CokeMan introduced me to something he had done in the past before. It all started with me telling him how random sex dates had been boosting my ego but at the same time, I have begun to fear the lack of boyfriend materialism in me, which was pretty much shocking given I had been one of those hopeless romantics who believes in Romeo & Romeo in the gay universe. CokeMan asked me “So have you tried this weekend boyfriend thing? I found this at one of those chick magazines and it has worked pretty well with me”

The whole routine should start on a Thursday. Thursday evening comes and one should find someone to flirt. Gay men hit the gay dating sites and I guess chicks can go out on a Thursday night or just hit the bar that night. So, the task is to get a number of a guy on a Thursday night and then to call him on a Friday night to meet up. Then, one must try to convince him to stay over at one’s place. The next Saturday morning, one must try to reach the level of intimacy until the point the victim feels at home with the whole newfound ‘relationship’; the victim must feel like one was interested in taking further steps. It’s one of those stages before getting yourself into a commitment. One must spend the whole day with the victim on Saturday and once again, one must try to make the victim stay over on a Saturday night as well. Then, Sunday comes and the whole ‘relationship’ feeling escalates until the evening comes when one has to tell him to see the victim next weekend. Starting from next Monday until the next Thursday, one must NOT contact the victim. Then the next Thursday, one must work on the routine once again until the next Sunday to the same victims. The next rule is to have each victim for not more than three weeks and as soon as the third week is done, one would have to drop it off. Just go cold turkey on the victim and nothing. Nada!

To be honest, I was amused. It sounds so mean, yet so fulfilling. I asked CokeMan what if I actually really fall for the victim, to which he said “Then, he is, no doubt, the one for you”. So, it’s a triple win. 1. You get your ego boost. 2. You are in practice with the boyfriend role. 3. You get to find your ‘one’. However, as much as it sounds super awesome, it does make me wonder if I would be able to go cold turkey on the victim in case he was not the ‘one’ for me. I do cold turkey pretty well with other addictions, but to ignore or avoid a human being, even for a friendship, has been tremendously difficult for me.

I actually really want to have this weekend boyfriend but something seems to be stopping me somehow. Ah well, at least it’s at the back of my head and if we’re lucky enough, I might get to blog about my weekend boyfriend soon.

apr28musicListening to : Paolo Nutini – Scream (Funk My Life Up)

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Submissive Shake

apr27Call it kink but I love it when someone gives in during sex or just somehow submits to orgasmic explosion while in bed with me. I know it sounds weird given one would think that someone who takes it when it comes to the sex intercourse between two men would be the submissive one. Well, as much as it sounds technically correct, it’s not all bottoms that do the whole act of being submitted to be done during sex.

I am not really talking about role reversal here but my topic today leans towards the control a bottom can have over a top. I am quite known to be a manly bottom and this kinda keeps me in somewhat a category where people would not really stereotype. Yes, a bottom is always the girly one. Says who? I can totally prove them wrong. To make things more complicated, I enjoy having the top into a submissive stage. This is not to say I like to use a whip or some clippers for his nipples. This also does not mean that I am the one to control when the top finishes. I just like to make sure the top gets fully into the whole finishing point. Imagine a happy ending with extra credit.

So, after a long while, I met up with BoyToy again. Actually I feel bad giving him that nick since he’s a really nice guy. Given he’s only around nineteen and he actually likes me, I had to make sure he was aware that I was not really into getting involved in any committed relationship with him. It was just purely friendship and sex. However, the first time we met, he gave me this card he made on his own full of glitter and colored paper I had no idea where he got from. Nonetheless, after we met the first time, he insisted he would try but he would just keep liking me. At first, I thought of avoiding him since the last thing I want to do was to get a kid attached to me without being able to give him what he wants. But then again, given I did make him aware and given the sex was pretty good, I decided to see him again today.

As per usual, he seems to be still in love with me. I could tell because he would throw himself into this stage where he would just stare at me blankly not saying anything and then if I questioned him, he would say nothing was wrong. He also gave me another self-made card; I have to give this boy an A plus for creativity. This card was different from the last. It has the word ‘friendship’ and ‘brother’ on it, which kinda implies this kid got my signal. So yes, when the night came, we had sex of course. I was playing around with him and sort of giving him a semi-wank when one maneuver set him shaking. I thought there was something wrong mentally as if I had touched a nerve that got him in this condition. He turned towards me and said “That was so good”. I did not get it. Normally, when a guy shivers like he did, he would have ejaculated or at least pre-ejaculated. His was still dry but the more I did what I did to his manhood, the more it got him into this ecstasy of orgasmic shiver of his whole body. It got weirder when he pushed me off. He said his head went all warm and he felt so good from it. He likes it yet he does not want it. So, I kept doing more in hopes of pleasuring him more. He loves it but he still pushed me off. I did not know what it was but it got him moaning and his body shivering like he had been walking in the snow for hours. His moan then turned into a set of repeated “I love you”s.

I do not know why but I enjoyed this weak stage he was in. He was too high with pleasure and it was just this new thing I discovered that I would like to try on other guys as well. Will it work? I would never know. By the way, he never ejaculated finally from the sex rather than that thing I did with his manhood. But yeah, I would like to try it on other guys as well to see if they would shake too.

apr27musicListening to : Panic! At The Disco – London Beckoned Songs About Money Written By Machines

This Could Be The Start Of Something Big

”There’s gotta be a first time!” That’s what they say whenever you end up doing something you would not normally do. Everything that happened tonight was a bit out of proportion. Not only did I do something I have never done in my life before, but I did it with someone I would’ve never thought I would’ve. It felt like a twist of plot blown out of proportion and if my life tonight was to be made into a one hour series episode, no one should start watching it from the middle of the series.

It all started with a phone call a few days ago when one of my friends from Mandalay gave me a call. Ok, when I said “friend”, we were not really friends to be exact. He was one of my online gay social site chat victims during my three months stay in the zombie land while prepping myself for SEA Games last year. To be honest, I have forgotten how we started talking or what we talked about. He is a guy from Mandalay and at that time, he was having some minor issues with his boyfriend. Given he was away from me and that he was not really single, I never set my mind to him but he was somehow good to talk to. However, as priorities give way most of the time in our heads, I did not really get to have him marked in my head since I was just looking for anyone close to me who’s single and available for a quickie.

Facebook does come in handy and given I have him in my account and we have actually traded numbers before, which I did not really remember doing until I checked my text history on my phone, I did manage to recall as much as possible on who he was… possible enough to know if I should meet him during his stay in Yangon, which was tonight. Given it was the night for Fab 15.0, the only gay-themed party on every last Saturday of the month in Myanmar, I invited him to it. Let’s be honest here. Given he is already single now and available, there was a small piece of my mind that perceives we will end up in bed together. Well, make that a big piece. But then again, I have never picked up from FAB parties in Myanmar, there was a slight chance that I might not even be going home with him. I do not even know how he really looks like in real life.

apr26He showed up with his friend, who was a tall chubby guy with a baby face, and finally meeting the guy from Mandalay in person, I was a bit relieved since he was kinda cute although I have to admit he was quite short and smaller in size than I am. I was not really expecting much since I do not really hook up at any FAB party and he seems pretty much comfortable and unflirty. Thus, it was not much of a case where I could just jump and suck on his face.

Maybe it was because I did not get to go to Fab last month but I felt very much welcomed this time round, not to mention my weight loss caused some compliments flying around in all directions from those who have seen me before. In short, it was a huge massive night of being ego boosted. The good thing about this newfound friend from Mandalay is the fact that he was pretty cool with scattering himself around the dance floor instead of sticking onto me. Well, I did have my other friend, ClosetCase , on the other hand, who still leeched onto me. It was not like I do not want his company but I do not like it when people follow me around. ClosetCase became pretty much intolerable when he was making me read some texts he typed on his phone while I was snogging my friend from Mandalay on the dancefloor. Oh yeah, back to him, my friend from Mandalay, who I would nickname MandalayKisser since I did end up kissing him on the dancefloor. It’s not something I have ever done in Myanmar or at any Fab parties. It’s not like I do not dare to kiss any guys in public in Myanmar but given I never knew who I might pick up from the dating application from those people who comes to Fab, I usually play the single card that leaves people no clue to who I’m shagging. But having given up to MandalayKisser , am I actually willing to risk my playboy life for him? What’s happening here?

apr26musicListening to : Voodoo & Serano – Blood Is Pumpin’ (Original Club Mix)

From Brunei With Love

I do NOT like oversea calls lately. Funnily enough, three years ago when I was dating someone online who lives long distance from where I am, I used to crave for oversea calls. Any calls that have a number zero in front or any numbers more than 10 digits, I would be hoping it’s from my online boyfriend from Australia. Lately at work, whenever I see an oversea call, I would know it’s from our regional manager from Thailand side (since our company is a JV) and knowing he’s a major workaholic who loves to push, I would shudder and cringe whenever I see a lot of digits on the screen of my handphone.

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I woke up to the vibration of my handphone and when I peeped at it from the teeny hole of my ‘just woke up’ eyes, to my surprise, I saw a lot of digits. My eyes suddenly opened wide thinking it was my regional manager from Thailand and knowing he would not really call me that early unless it was super important, I started to freak out more. When I answered the phone, to my surprise, it was not my regional manager nor it was from anyone calling on behalf of him from Thailand. It was from FlightAttendant and let alone his normal call would be a bit surprising at such an early hour on any day but today, he called all the way from Brunei during his visit to Brunei with his boyfriend.

From the scary incident last night, despite the fact that one would think it would not really have that much of an impact to someone, I was kinda put off and drawn to a bit of a nerve wreckage from what happened last night. Yes, it’s true I did survive a bad incident and I got a bit jaded with the fact that being nice to people does not really work for everyone. I was felt a bit guilty about having to be able to please someone who appreciated me but at the same time, I was also annoyed at the fact that I was so affected by this so-called mean act, when it was the only thing that could’ve been done right. It was a mixture of both feelings of guilt and frustration on why I should feel guilty about something I was not. I was new to this whole ‘rejection’ thing as well. I can do tough love on people I do not want or like but given I could not cater someone who looks up to me was a bit new to me, especially when that someone is a fan of mine.

One would say it was good timing but then again, I was happy that it was FlightAttendant since I do like him a lot. I know he’s got a boyfriend and I would never want to take him away from his man but I can’t help feeling super comfortable around me, not to forget how the sex is good with him and he’s got a killer body. I actually love him the way a big brother would love his younger brother but because of the involvement of sex, he was somewhat a really great friend to me. The relationship between us would be stronger than two guys dating but just not as committed as a couple. I understand he’s not one of those loaders and that was also the reason why I totally appreciate this gesture. He actually spent his money that he doesn’t have much to spend it on calling me oversea while he was supposedly with his boyfriend.

Yes, he did see my frustration through what I posted up on Facebook and he managed to surprise me by such gesture. I was not looking forward to this. In fact, unlike before, I was not really even looking forward to anyone making me feel better from what they read in my Facebook status. So, whatever it was, when he asked me if it was ok, I told him partially about what happened since I did not want to waste his phone credits and I have to admit, despite the fact that I do not own him nor want to own him, I find myself smiling to the whole thing and even better, I was looking forward to his return back to Myanmar.

apr25musicListening To : Delerium – Duende (Spiritual Collapse Mix)

Psycho Fanatic Addict Insane

I do not really like it that much when people call me a celebrity. Yes, there’s this one second of achievement I feel when I get called that since I am seen as something I once dreamed of being. However, after that one second, I would begin to wonder if it was out of mockery or an actual genuine appreciation coming from the one who said it. It’s more like an insecurity as opposed to being pessimistic. Of course, I would like to see things in a good way but that does not necessarily mean I have to keep thinking what everyone say is true. But for the sake of this blog entry, I guess I can be comfortable about me accepting myself as one.

As a celebrity, I do not really do what most celebrities do. Yes, I do like expensive food and I love getting facials and my pedicure. However, I do also like not stopping myself from doing things normal people would do. I do not want to have to care about what others think. Being a celebrity is tough just only because people around you can judge you easier since they have seen and known you already. If I can just shrug that off and let them get to know the real me, which, to my belief, is quite decent, there is nothing to worry about then. So, in another word, I am a pretty much easy-going celebrity, who you can spot anywhere and with whom you can strike any conversations at any time to.

apr24

When it comes to sexual tensions with celebrities, I can totally understand how one could be both sexually or mentally attracted to a celebrity. I have had dreams about having sex with some actors and I even fantasized about some of them while pleasuring myself. However, I have never asked myself what if I had the chance to actually shag them in reality.

It’s tough being both gay and a celebrity. Being gay, I have no choice but to use social media as a platform to meet guys and being a celebrity, it gets awkward when I’m spotted. I have also blogged about the random Facebook adds from guys, I could not tell if they are gay or not, I have been receiving. Among them, one of the guys wanted to go watch a movie with me tonight. I agreed to it but because I was out with my boss eating pizza, I had to change our plan to just eating dessert at 50th street. I picked him up. He was this puny young kid with blond hair and a face that looks like those psychotic kids in thriller movies. He was totally not my type but since this was just a dessert eating date, I calmed myself down. In the taxi, he pushed himself towards me and started to cling his arm around my arm. I tried to ignore him but he just kept doing it, which made the scene a bit awkward. I couldn’t say anything to him because I did not want the cab driver to hear anything gay from us.

When we got to 50th street, the kid got more awkward. As he was eating dessert, he started talking about how he knew me since he was a little kid and how he had listened to the songs I have made. He was not an ordinary gay man on a cruise but he is one of my hardcore fans. At first, I appreciated it but as he kept talking, I could hint he wanted to have to do something with me. And before I could say anything, he said the word. “Can I sleep with you?” Ok, it’s not always about the look when it comes to gay cruising. There have been people I mercy-sexed and I could’ve easily chucked this on him but knowing he is my hardcore fan and knowing he was pleading for sex, it did not turn me on and I refused and told him I got a boyfriend. To this, he said “Well, you can refuse as much as you want but I have every rights to keep asking for what I want too and I always get what I want”. From an unattractive kid to a psychotic fan, PsychoFan started to freak me out.

It was not because I was scared to push this kid away given I was twice his size but I was scared to make a scene. PsychoFan came to the point where I was worried he would either start putting a knife around my neck to make me say I would have sex with him or he would go down on his knees to beg for sex. I kept repeating no. I told him that I was on a long distance monogamous relationship, to which he said “Come on. We all know that doesn’t work and he won’t have to know.” I continued to refuse and yes, I could just stand up and leave but I was not sure what he would do then. Would he grab me from behind or would he scream out something stupid? He continued “I am not your type, right? I am ugly, right?” Ok, I would not say ‘ugly’ but he was definitely not my type but I am not the type of person who likes to rub the red card on someone’s face. I would find a way to make it as subtle as possible and he should really respect my ‘boyfriend’ reasoning anyways. At some point, I asked him if he just wanted a kiss from me, to which he answered he wanted more than a kiss and he wanted it on a regular basis. Greedy much? I could’ve just kissed him to shut him up.

I paid for his dessert and he asked me if I was still taking him back on a cab. I said no, to which he asked why. I told him it was because I was worried he was gonna be a pest of a psycho in the taxi on our way back, to which he said he has his morals. Umm.. morals my ass! I took him home on a cab. On the way, he sat near me again, to which I looked away. He then put his arm around mine and tried to reach for my crotch. I moved his hand away and thank God, we reached his place.

I was not hurt and it was not abusive but it was mentally wrecking. I do not like saying no to someone and given I had to do that several times to the person who adores me and worships me, it felt pretty bad in a twisted way. I do not know how some fans would face this but my experience was hell and I’m not even that popular or famous yet. I do not really blame celebrities anymore who claim they lead a lonely life. With psychopaths like these, how safe can we be if we are too exposed to society?

apr24musicListening to : Mandy Moore – Ladies’ Choice

Traveling and me

If there was something I am quite ashamed of myself as a part of being gay, it’s the fact that I do not like traveling. Ok, I am not making it sound like only gay men appreciate traveling but I have to admit 8 out of 10 gay men LOVES to travel and it’s in fact one of those things that they are also ridiculously good at. Me, on the other hand? Let alone traveling, I would be plucking my hair out while screaming out loud as soon as I am informed to go on a work trip to a ‘one-hour-flight’ country nearby for five days.

apr23I guess it has to do with my childhood. Since I was a young boy, I often followed my grandparents while they get invited to go to places with the work that my grand-dad was doing back then. I’ve been around to almost every places in Thailand since we were located there. Of course I did not have to pack but riding on airplanes and yachts or doing long car trips during road trips have become less special every time I had to travel. Given my mom and dad were in Myanmar, I was also not really a stranger when it comes to the airport arrival and departure halls. In fact, I hate airports since I have this notion since childhood that there would always be at least one person crying in that place. It was just sad and it’s always been stuck that way in my head since.

Life after high school got worse since I had to study abroad. It was not by force and I was ok with studying abroad but the fact that I kept feeling like I do not really have a home to keep all my things to given I had to keep packing in and out of a country often. It all stopped when I went to Australia since it was quite far and I was away from my family for six years. During my stay in Australia, I would go on road trips with my friends but in all of them, I would be one of those people who would be staying in the rented hostel when my friends would be exploring the new surroundings.

Given I made a promise to myself that I would give myself more ‘me’ time, I met up with Amore and GermanMom and her new main squeeze, which I would not mention on my blog just yet. It was great to see them again and it was after both GermanMom and her loved one had just come back from their trip together across America. GermanMom has never looked so happy before and it was so good to see her again, even better that she was happy from the trip. Yes, of course it was tiring as they have described it but listening to her almost felt like looking at my childhood. Stories about being in a new environment around people you do not know of for a temporary time while making the best of the moment were often heard at family reunions when I was young. To my surprise, I managed to listen to their stories with so much attention given and this newfound awe as if I wished I had been there with them. I guess my silence came across as the lack of attention span while actually I was imagining surprisingly how it would be if I were in those places that they mentioned when they looked at me and talked about traveling. Without thinking, I mentioned how I disliked traveling given me sucking in Geography would not help either and also how I have become sick of it from doing too much as a kid. GermanMom then stated something that had been at the back of my head subconsciously all this time. “You should try traveling, babe!” It’s true. It would be so different now given I have reached my thirties and at any time soon, I could just drop dead. When I have friends around me who saves to travel, of course it makes me want to try it once again.

Thinking about it IS indeed a huge step for me and given JavaBread would be coming to Myanmar in the month of May, even though he mentioned he just wanted to hang out with me, I have started to doubt my ability to host his trip right unless I take a bit of an interest in something I might have been thinking wrong all along by having thought I hated it… traveling.

apr23musicListening to : Tina Cousins – Queen Of The World

Sex Breaks

apr22Six years ago, I used to be disgusted with guys who just loves to be around other guys just for the sake of sex. Then, I do understand that sex is somewhat an activity that two parties do out of a mutual agreement. I do understand the loss of morals, dignities and whatnot but then again, I have become to accept that sometimes, it’s ok to ignore such things. However, I was never aware of a good friendship bonding after sex and I have to admit it CAN happen, especially between sex breaks.

Sex breaks. They only happen when it gets too long you had to take a break in between. Last time I did it was with MandalayPrey, where I learnt about the pills he took that made his schlong bigger. It was an interesting story but there was no bonding between us since he has this awkward politeness which I cannot see between two comfortable people, let alone both of us were lying naked next to each other after being totally intimate with each other. I have had several sex breaks before and I have had several interesting conversations in between but mostly it ends up being about sex. “Have you done it with other guys before?” “What’s the biggest you have taken?” “You are good at what you do” “Where is the toilet?” Then, I’ve had these weird introduction during sex breaks too like the dude asking my name again or asking me which school I went to when I was five. Not to forget the awkward silence during sex breaks as well, which can mean almost anything. At first, I felt awkward about it, thinking it was just a bad dead silence which can mean there might not be meeting that guy again. I was wrong though. Silence can mean almost anything. I’ve had guys coming back for more than just one bootie call, despite having that awkward silence during sex breaks at first meet. Funnily enough, some of them were also awkwardly silent during sex breaks second time round too.

It is always out of spontaneity when it comes to BiGuy. Last time, it was a last minute decision to rush to his office for a bootie call. Today, during work break, I had a chat with him on Grindr and we were talking dirty and somehow he always manage to get me all horned up and it also helps that it works the other way round too. I was supposed to go to my friend’s birthday after work but I guess it was me being horny doing the calculation since I did manage to squeeze in a bootie call in between work and the birthday.

As usual, it was in his office room but this time he cleaned the office. It felt different this time. There was this maximum comfort between us, both knowing what we were both here for. It felt like I had known him for a long time and he was someone I could just jump myself on and it was not one of those things I would normally feel when getting attached to who I’m comfortable with. Being horny as both were, we got straight at it and it was also awesome that he still kissed. It has not been a whole month yet but we were at each other as if we had not seen for years. He decided to finish his business quick and he said he wanted to go for another round if it was alright with me. Yes, sex break was called for and I was not sure what could happen now given we are only together for the sex of it. However, BiGuy was so much more than I thought. He wanted a conversation. I was catching my breath from the tiring first round and I just wanted to not try to say anything but BiGuy started to talk more about himself to me. It was a sweet conversation and I started seeing the softer side of BiGuy. It’s hard to believe this but there is always a sweet sensual side of a man no matter how promiscuous he can be. I listened to him with this newfound respect at his norm and it made me feel more comfortable to be around him, which of course made our second round even better. I don’t know how to describe it but this is my first time liking a guy without actually wanting him, apart only for sex.

apr22musicListening to : Fool’s Garden – She